Crackpot

After spending Rs. 1349 in travelling,in KSTC buses, and spending 35 sleepless nights (I used to sleep during day time, what else you can expect from a jobless ) and madly surfing on net to find a suitable job,  I got opportunity of Interrogation aka Interview from Few companies . What I noticed during my interrogation is that every company is looking for Extremely Dishonest candidate, A Cheat, A Crook, A Bluff and above all A person who can speak spectacular lies. If you can afford to be dishonest, you are in.

They ask dumb questions in interview and expects intelligent replies from your side. Intresting thing is They all will ask you the same questions. Sometimes while replying to their silly questions, you will feel that you are at war with yourself.

Take  a look at these questions, you might find a interesting similarity  :

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself after 5 years from now?

My other Side:Oh c'mon my surname might have suggested you that I am a brahmin , But believe me I am a Ponga Pandit. I know nothing about horoscope or Palm reading. Leave 5 years I can't even tell you what the hell I am going to do tommorrow.

Me: The answer comes in a very sophisticated manner " Oh!! Although It's hard to predict future, but I sincerely believe that my abilities will allow me to excel (My abilities of staying informed of recently developed conspiracies in office). I want to develop a wonderful bond with my employer (which means I am good in buttering). I will have proven myself a highly competent person in these years (I am good in taking credits).

What are your hobbies?

My other side: Sir, (Although your voice is akin to MADAM), My hobbies are bullying and trollying. You can ask your Gatekeeper, how much I annoyed him before coming upstairs. I consider Eve-teasing as the best stress buster, for reference consult your receptionist.

Me: I love reading books (Lie of the century) both Fiction and Non fiction. Recently, I read " I have a dream by Rashmi Bansal" (I haven't heard of this book's name even in my dream) and Diary Of a space Traveler by Satyaeet ray, both belongs to fiction category (it is indeed a fiction that i have read this).

How good are you in resolving conflicts?

My other side: Oh I bet I am the best in resolving conflicts. I like screaming and abusing. I firmly believe in the principal " My way or Highway", if I am engaged in conflict. However, If somebody else is involved I enjoy watching it rather than interrupting it.

Me: Sir (No pun intended, in calling you SIR) I am quite good in resolving issues. Whenever any conflict arouse I tried my best to fully explain the situation (ofcourse only my side). Usually by the end of conversation, the person could see the other side of situation.

Why should we select you?

My other side: Because you have paid for the advtisment in the paper, organised  interview in this gloomy office and I travelled in a snail-bus for more than one and a half hour.

Me: I fit the requirement for this job. Besides having a Chartered Accountancy degree (For that matter, everybody outside the door is having the same degree), I am a fast learner. I strogly believe that I will be the best cadidate due to the combination of my experience , abilities and my desire to work for your orgaisation(since you are paying more)

How well do you handle stress and pressure?

My other side: Sir (Again no pun intended): Pressure has nothing to do with my work, ofcourse when I say, my work, I mean playing video games on office laptop. Even if I have only one life in last stage of spiderman game I keep my calm and play with utmost zen.

I have learnt that " Baanne raho pagla kaam karega aagla", since I donot work i dont feel any pressure.

Me: Well, I believe I work the same, If there's pressure or not. At times when time becomes a constraint I put some extra effort and time to meet that deadline (specially if not meeting deadlines costs me a weekend)

After boasting for an hour, I won the battle and got the offer letter.

HappY

The Other side of a Chartered Accountant