Aviator Vs Invertor

It's a year old story.I was young, That doesn't mean that now I am not, I was careless, Even Now I am but that time I was more.  I was rebellion like Che Guevara, energetic like Red Bull, and more good looking than good looks, In short I was Me with 33% extra.

The year was 2012, March.I was struggling hard with my ISCA book. CA Final exam was only two months away. My study room was burning like furnace and My face was looking worse than  Bindu Dara Singh . Sweats beaded on my forehead and I was stinking more than a rotten cabbage :P.

Needless to say,  there was no electricity at home.

I was using @@#%$% and #@%#&@ words more than Raghu and Raju put together in all 10 sessions of Roadies. Yes, I was cursing government and writers of ISCA book.

But In the heart I was happy, It was Saturday. My elder brother, I call him Biya, comes home every Saturday.Call me sissy, but nothing delights me more than following my Biya. The day was even more special, it was his salary day.

Last month we decided, we will buy an Aviator for him. We used to think an Aviator sunglass is the need of every hot-shot guy in the town, we still think!! Let me tell you all, My brother is a 5'11'' tall very fair guy with shaggy jet black hair, and a  muscular body.When well dressed, I can bet he can take on any model they show in TV ads.

He came home late that day, I was pissed off. The moment he entered home I started screaming like Dolly Bindra. He tried to pacify me, but all in vain. Without uttering a word, he gave me 100 Rupee note and told me to pay it to the auto wala outside our house.

In auto, there sitting a man of 6 feet, jet dark in complexion and well grown beard. That guy called me in his husky voice, "Help me in lifting this". There was a big cartoon, two three wires and a double size battery. He asked me who is the KID in your house preparing for some exam.

I was almost in tears. why the hell , he, is so good. He bought it so that I can study in a cool cozy environment. He still treats me as a Kid. 

Oh! Did I mention he is only one year older than me? 

Hugs, Fights, Building things, painting, Kulfi, pop-corn and watching movies with him and my younger brother . Life!!!

I miss all of it here in Bangalore. Biya I miss u!!! I miss my life.

It's almost a year. Still he does not own an aviator. Every month he buys something which fulfills our need.

Heroic.

The Other side of a Chartered Accountant

Annual conference :)

I have been busy!!Busy as bee!! Busy with conferences, team meetings!! Trying very hard to sound knowledgeable in meetings!

Today afternoon also I was in a conference!! After getting bored to the core!! I decided to end my tension with my Manager and team lead and to make them famous by putting their pics on my blog!!

Drawing my manger's pic is not an easy task. His mammoth personality is not easy to draw. Anyways I tried and Here is the result:- 

And, Here is my team lead:-

looks exactly like my team lead. I am just praying that Ass-sociation for Ass welfare (AAW) does not file  Ass rights violation petition against me. My team lead is that big jerk. U cannot compare him even with an ass.

Still I draw well!! 

The D-Day :)

In Every wantrepreneur's life this day comes at-least once, the day which gives him more hard on then probably he will get in his first night.  Yes, the D-day. The day when you get a chance to sell your idea.


Thankfully, I got this chance at very tender age, Though its a different thing that recently a seventh standard girl called me UNCLE. And My Expression was " You got to be kidding me"

Anyways so the gist is I got the chance.

I booked a ticket from Bangalore to Ranchi, by the way, booking a ticket on ITCTC is more difficult then talking to your first crush. Most of the time I end up getting these notifications:-

1)Session Expired
2)You pressed the back button
3)Service unavailable
4) Page cannot be displayed
5)Service downtime.

To cut the crap and coming to the point. I reached Ranchi, my hometown. My home town is a wonderland, pleasant climate, friendly people, mouth watering cuisine ( We have dosa that looks nowhere like a dosa :) and above all beautiful girls of  Rangrez gali and PP Compound.

My friend Goofy was waiting for me at the station. As usual, train was late. He was looking like as if he is coming straight from Syberia From head to toe, he was covered with woolen clothes.They should Remix the song and release it as

" Tadpaye tarsaye re RANCHI ki sardi". Its that cold in Ranchi.

Anyways we were excited and charged. We were planning to go straight to THE CA firm and give a presentation on our business plan. But then we decided its not good to give a presentation in your rugged jeans, green shoes and messy hair. So we took an appointment for the evening .

Through one of  my contact a leading firm agreed to give us a chance (It was not that easy to get a chance, I did more Rona dhona than Tulsi and Parvati did in Saas Bahu serial) to put a partnership proposal.

The idea was to give an impression that in long term the firm will be benefited from us( No pun intended). In the heart I knew that all the promises I am going to make is false. But the outcome of my efforts, for sure, is bright, for the firm and for us. We did a thorough research and went to give it a shot.

The office was not very swanky and I don't know whether its result of my Bollywood corrupt mind or was it really so, the office was looking as if its every ready for any of RamGopal's horror movie shooting. There were around 15 lame creatures, who they call articles,were sitting facing  the desktop. There faces were pale as somebody has sucked their life blood (Needless to say who). There were absolutely no smile on their   faces. In the corner, there was a big cabin and two gentle man were sitting inside. 

The cabin was dark and cold, faces of them even colder. We took our chairs and began. My heart was beating very fast and Palms were sweating. After giving a presentation for half an hour and further discussion they gave verdict::-

We will inform you.

After 3 days I got a mail:- We have considered your plan. Send your business plan in writing and complete the formalities with ICAI. We are ready to give you permission to open branch office subject to following conditions. (Well, there were zillion conditions, and there is not much space here :)

Really happy!!!

Life ke pange :(

Finally, I took the much awaited decision. I waited for this day more than Rakhi waited for her two sons:- 

Mere bete aayenge, Mere Karan Arjun aayenge.

Yes, I took the leap of faith. I have quit my job. 

Last week , I walked into my Manager's cabin. which by the way stinks more than a rotten cabbage, cooked with onion and said the three magical words I AM QUITTING . It took me more than 8 months to discover that I do not belong to the place, I tried everything possible to love the job, which includes admiring my Manger's FUGLY looking shirt, booking  resort for Team outing and praising manager's wife by saying you are looking too good mam.

But then there is limit of everything and it has become a matter of When and not why? So, finally I went to him: 

I had  practiced the entire conversation , learnt it by heart and puked the entire feelings. There were some awkward moments  , when our eyes locked and none of us knew what to say, it was more like a break up kind of thing. 

I came out of his cabin with a ear-to-ear smile on my face and my tie on my nose (Remember the smell in cabin.). I made some mental notes, in order of importance:-

1) Put all staplers, pencils and other stationery in bag before leaving.

2) Delete all p##n movies from my office laptop. Yes, i am that cheap.

3) Send mails to colleague biding good bye.

4) Pay cold-drink bills.

5) Delete history from browser. :), yes its very important.

6) Complete all the Exit formalities  ( Least important, since if I forget to do point 2 and 4 of the above mentioned Dos they will not allow me to go)

Okay, even point number 4 is important. The pan-wala with whom I have running accounts knows some big shots in underworld.

Though, I have to serve three months of notice period,  I can utilize this time to build ground for my CA Practice. I have made some breakthroughs also:-

1) Got a branch office from Kolkata.

2) Signed a lease agreement for office.

3) Arranged 2-3 clients, for achieving BEP.

4) Tapping a millionaire's daughter ( I need capital)

Wish me luck. Mujhe dawa ki nahi duaa ki zarurat hai!!!!

Give your suggestions, I am carving for it and I need it. I have screwed my articleship days but yes, this time I am damn serious.   

Regards,

The other side of a chartered accountant

http://doublebottle.blogspot.in/

Chota packet baddi musibat!!!

Do you know how it feels, being an elder brother. Certainly not good!!! 

Trust me it feels like pain in not so decent place.

It feels like you have a tail. Yes, you guessed it right, I have an extremely clingy brother who goes wherever I go. Who considers all my friends as his, and who thinks that its his birth right to annoy me. Irony is even my friends likes to hang out with my YOUNGER brother. I see nightmares of  him : 

Nightmare 1  : Scene 42/ Dialogue 3

Me: Aaj mere pass Bangla hai, gaddi hai, bank balance hai... tumhare pass kya hai!!

Clingy brother: Mere pass.. Mere pass.. Tumhare DOST hai!!!!!

I wonder why he always feels the need to tell all my friends that I watch Pokemon and Swat cats, wears Duck Tales Payjama and don't take showers on Saturday and Sunday. (Wiase bhi sunday ko kaun Nahata hai yaar )

Two days back he sent me one of my old pic on whats app. Then he messaged me LOL,  again LOL then HAHAHA and then this HAHAHA and LOL season goes on for a full fifteen minutes. After that he din't send any thing for straight 21 minutes. I thought It's over. But then again I got an image . It was the same pic but was edited slightly  PINK LIPS. Agrrrrr!!!! Oh!! Did I mention that he is 19 years old?

All those who know me, knows how much I appreciate every second of my sleep but for him it is the perfect time to listen loud music. In words of Rajesh Khana " Pushapa pushpa I hate Brothers re" He considers my wardrobe as his, and yes, never allows me to wear his clothes (Even those clothes that he doesn't wear). 

Few days back I got a friend request on Facebook (The only book that interests me). It was him. My greatest nightmare. I know it is the time for me to remove almost all my wall posts, block few of very good friends (girls) and to delete few pics. Moments later I got a call from my Mom. Mom screamed Why don't you accept your brother's request. Learn from Lila aunt's kids they all are friends on Facebook. It is only you who is rude to your brother. By the way Lila Aunt is our neighbor, again-a-totally-uninvited-trouble-in-my-miserable-life. And her kids are, Rajat and Rita are two confused souls. Rajat thinks he is Rita and Rita thinks other way around, I hope you got the gist. Uss type ke log.

Okay, I know its better to delete my facebook account itself. God help me!! Just wondering Is there any law to charge him for cyber bullying me? 

Its time for me to go. I know somewhere something is cooking against me. I have to decipher some information to fail coup against me.I am sure KGB/ Hamas/RAW/FBI must be considering my brother as a potential secret agent considering his Gorilla war techniques. 

I know it sounds sissy but I still sing Dexter's Title song:

Dexter ki Labotory -2
Jaha yeh bacha sabse hoshiyaar .. par DEEDEE uske experiments karti hai bekar!!!

Regards,

The Other side of a Chartered Accountant

Life ki watt lag gayi saale!!!

What could be the level of frustration a Sardarji feels who is kept away from Makhhan , Tamil who is away from Lungi (No offence), Constable from bribe, Ranjit from rape , and Ajit from Mona darling , 

 I am feeling The same level of frustration.!!!!!!!!!!!

Its been ages since I boozed with my friends, laughed heartily, played cricket (my first love, after this I have series of love) , had silly fights with my lovely girl friend ( Now its more of a cold war type), ride my All new 200 cc DT-SI  powered pulsar in a rainy day, watching untiringly sky full of stars or doing anything which we call life. All this ordeal only for few zeroes in my bank account. I was calculating since when I am missing my life. Its 7 months 13 days and 11 hours. And you guessed right I joined my office 7 months and 13 days back.

I work for a well known Multi national company in middle level management. Our team  called MS, (I don't know whether it stands for Mangament Services or Majhi Satakli)  which is by the way a pack of mad people, consists of six Chartered Accountants.

"Allow me Robert" to brief you all, about my team and what I do and what I am supposed to do in the place called OFF-ICE.

Names of Team-mates are changed for obvious reasons, which is I like calling them by their nicknames. This is a true story So any resemblances to Name, places and situation is intentional that is to humiliate them.

Team Manger  Chota Bheem (CB) : CB is a fat telugu guy, who by his body mass can give complex to Nitin gadkari. 

He looks too old for a man who is in his late forties. He seems to be one who is cross breed of Bobby darling and VJ Andy. A man err person who gets hard-on every times his laptop is switched on. He is THE workaholic. Legend says that,You dare, (however, nobody dared so far ) send him a mail at 2.AM (still i wonder why at 2 in the night is AM) and he will reply to your mail in no time. He is a typical manager and considers me as PURE investment (Previously-undetected-recruiting-error). The old saying for a boss applies perfectly to him, He is the one who comes early when you are late.

Eye Candy: I saw her first in my induction and i was mesmerized by her beauty. The first thought that struck my mind was SHE IS TOO HOT FOR A NERDY COMPANY LIKE OURS, SHE SHOULD BE A BAR DANCER MAN!!  She is tall, around 5'9"", and certainly taller than any lady in my office. Her huge assets and lips are irresistibly seductive. 

MBA from James Cook university, Singapore, This live-wire has a very weird sense of humor. She likes playing pranks and KILLING insects (Yes you read it correctly, the only Indian girl not afraid of cockroaches). She is the one who named our manger and was caught twice mocking him.

Chattur: Chattur is called chattur, not because he is chattur,but because he tries to be one. He is Six feet tall idiot.

 I wonder how a massive body like his can survive without a brain. He is undoubtedly the most irritating person I have ever met. I am sure if he will keep annoying me like this I will pluck his shit head and will play football with it. I wish you to read this. This maniac should have been fastened to his bed in a mental hospital and should be given strong electric shocks. 

PM:  Like our PM SMS even he prefers to listen rather to say anything. He looks like a starved Somalian kid, with eyes shockingly sunken into its socket. Above those pale looking face is a Eisenstein brain. This god gifted mind from God's own land Kerala  amazes me every now and then with his intellect. Rumors says that he is eyeing on Manager's Chair. But my personal opinion is he is a FBI agent trying to decipher some secret information (no pun intended). There are also others who believes he is the secret informer of Chota Bheem. Chattur thinks he is conspiring against him ( What a joke !! ).

Chicken: Chicken is my best friend in this tubsy turvy company. He is THE WOMANIZER. The only thing he cares about is Chicks, so we named him chicken. He is exact replica of me of course with less awesomeness and more love for girls.With face-book status as STILL SINGLE,he  is a walking encyclopedia on " How to tap a girl". With his athletic body and boyish charm on his face he has tapped zillion girls.

Oatmeal:  Oatmeal is a BITCH (Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Courageous and Heroic ). She just love bitching about CB and Chattur. Just ping her CB and she will pour all her emotions. She..


Cheese: Okay that is me. Eye Candy named me Cheese because of my fair complexion.  I am a very  Awesome super- duper- mega- super- fantastic –mega HUMBLE dude of 23 with a very average look that can give complex to Brad Pitt. 

I login at 11 every day, with Fake smile I exchange greetings with CB and Chattur  meanwhile also steals glances with Eye Candy. I start the nine hour of ordeal in my office with waiting for someone to ping me on my IM, followed by waiting for Break, waiting for lunch and waiting for EOD. In between i also do some productive work like trying to sound knowledgeable in meeting, filling time sheets, listen to Oatmeal's bitching about CB, trying to convince myself that I am not in love with Eye candy, admiring her hair that drapes over her face, updating resumes and most important pretending to work when somebody is staring at me. 

Everyday I feel sorry for what I am doing. Enough of this office politics now. 

Its not like I hate what I am doing here, I just feel I do not belong to this place. I always respected the knowledge that I acquired during my articleship. I feel I am not using even a 1/100th of this knowledge.

In Steve Jobs words "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." 

I know Its high time I should move on. I should go to my home town where my enormous Marwari clan is waiting. My Marwari blood is at its boiling point. I know its time to start something. Something my own. Still trying to figure out What. Could be Practice. Could be a business. Could be a new professional degree. But I know I cannot connect the dots looking forward.

Regards,

The Other Side of a Chartered Accountant

Crackpot

After spending Rs. 1349 in travelling,in KSTC buses, and spending 35 sleepless nights (I used to sleep during day time, what else you can expect from a jobless ) and madly surfing on net to find a suitable job,  I got opportunity of Interrogation aka Interview from Few companies . What I noticed during my interrogation is that every company is looking for Extremely Dishonest candidate, A Cheat, A Crook, A Bluff and above all A person who can speak spectacular lies. If you can afford to be dishonest, you are in.

They ask dumb questions in interview and expects intelligent replies from your side. Intresting thing is They all will ask you the same questions. Sometimes while replying to their silly questions, you will feel that you are at war with yourself.

Take  a look at these questions, you might find a interesting similarity  :

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself after 5 years from now?

My other Side:Oh c'mon my surname might have suggested you that I am a brahmin , But believe me I am a Ponga Pandit. I know nothing about horoscope or Palm reading. Leave 5 years I can't even tell you what the hell I am going to do tommorrow.

Me: The answer comes in a very sophisticated manner " Oh!! Although It's hard to predict future, but I sincerely believe that my abilities will allow me to excel (My abilities of staying informed of recently developed conspiracies in office). I want to develop a wonderful bond with my employer (which means I am good in buttering). I will have proven myself a highly competent person in these years (I am good in taking credits).

What are your hobbies?

My other side: Sir, (Although your voice is akin to MADAM), My hobbies are bullying and trollying. You can ask your Gatekeeper, how much I annoyed him before coming upstairs. I consider Eve-teasing as the best stress buster, for reference consult your receptionist.

Me: I love reading books (Lie of the century) both Fiction and Non fiction. Recently, I read " I have a dream by Rashmi Bansal" (I haven't heard of this book's name even in my dream) and Diary Of a space Traveler by Satyaeet ray, both belongs to fiction category (it is indeed a fiction that i have read this).

How good are you in resolving conflicts?

My other side: Oh I bet I am the best in resolving conflicts. I like screaming and abusing. I firmly believe in the principal " My way or Highway", if I am engaged in conflict. However, If somebody else is involved I enjoy watching it rather than interrupting it.

Me: Sir (No pun intended, in calling you SIR) I am quite good in resolving issues. Whenever any conflict arouse I tried my best to fully explain the situation (ofcourse only my side). Usually by the end of conversation, the person could see the other side of situation.

Why should we select you?

My other side: Because you have paid for the advtisment in the paper, organised  interview in this gloomy office and I travelled in a snail-bus for more than one and a half hour.

Me: I fit the requirement for this job. Besides having a Chartered Accountancy degree (For that matter, everybody outside the door is having the same degree), I am a fast learner. I strogly believe that I will be the best cadidate due to the combination of my experience , abilities and my desire to work for your orgaisation(since you are paying more)

How well do you handle stress and pressure?

My other side: Sir (Again no pun intended): Pressure has nothing to do with my work, ofcourse when I say, my work, I mean playing video games on office laptop. Even if I have only one life in last stage of spiderman game I keep my calm and play with utmost zen.

I have learnt that " Baanne raho pagla kaam karega aagla", since I donot work i dont feel any pressure.

Me: Well, I believe I work the same, If there's pressure or not. At times when time becomes a constraint I put some extra effort and time to meet that deadline (specially if not meeting deadlines costs me a weekend)

After boasting for an hour, I won the battle and got the offer letter.

HappY

The Other side of a Chartered Accountant